Reflections From Home
REFLECTIONS FROM HOME
By Pastor Mark Boucher
On Monday morning, October 13, I received the news of my father’s death. Although expected, his death produced a jolting shock inside of me. There is a certain finality that settles in. “I won’t see him ever again in this life.” As I prepared for the funeral, I found myself reflecting over lessons I have learned from my dad’s life. Let me share some with you.
It is so important to come to grips with the family of our birth or our upbringing. God is the One who establishes when and where we are born (Acts 17:26). There is no “ideal” family in this broken world of sin, so we need to cultivate a grateful heart for what God gives. As a young college student, I was tempted to blame my father for the ways he failed. In Bible College, I was exposed to well-adjusted Christian families and realized how dysfunctional mine seemed to be. But God always has a plan.
Those who grow up in difficult circumstances can turn them into opportunities to learn how to trust God. Another benefit of trials from own home life is that God uses them to help me empathize with other broken people and families. Although I would have loved having a Christian father who nurtured me in the Lord, I have learned to accept and love who and what my father was. Concerning his faults, my attitude has become, “He did the best he could; he only followed the model of his father and upbringing.” Trusting God meant I needed to forgive my father and see him through the eyes of Jesus. As I reflect on how much Jesus forgives me, it becomes easy to let go of past hurts and disappointments.
I have made a choice to be grateful for what my dad was, and not just focus on what he was not. Dad was a man who believed in working hard and staying together. He provided well for us and loved my mother, his wife, until her death. He was a respected business owner and developed a good reputation in the community. For all this, I am grateful.
When I do reflect on his sins and failures, I do so with the freedom of having forgiven him through the power of my Lord. While visiting him in the nursing home, I could talk to him with love and respect because my Heavenly Father more than made up for what my earthly father lacked.
The Bible contains many stories, principles and commands concerning the importance of fathers. The death of my father reminds me how vital it is for me, as a father (and for all fathers), to live for Jesus and leave a godly legacy to those who follow. One way to do this is quite simple…just talk to your children. When Nicole was around two years old, I remember several occasions when she was fussy and crying. I recall going over to her at these times and just talking to her. It wasn’t what I said (she couldn’t understand much then) but it was my voice that seemed to help her distress and halt her crying. She did not comprehend my words, but my voice reassured her that I was there and that I loved her.
Many years have passed, and our daughter Nicole is now 19. This past summer Nicole and I set aside a Daddy/daughter day. I’ll never forget that day. We shared and talked about God, life and the future. Nicole allowed me to speak into her life, and I allowed my heart to listen to her concerns. Although I never did this with my own father, I have the privilege of walking a different pathway than how I was raised. By the power of Jesus, we can change!
In our culture, Mother’s Day always eclipses Father’s Day. Many children, no matter how old, harbor bitter thoughts toward their fathers. There’s a saying that goes, “Everyone in prison hates his father.” As Christians, we are empowered to love, which is always the greatest course of action. Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:7).
God’s love enables us to forgive and pray for the best for everyone, including our imperfect parents. My prayer for those who still have earthly fathers is: “Lord, please turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers” (Malachi 4:6). God bless you!